But that's just the setting for the event I present. Last night, as with four of the last seven nights, we (Neuki and I) were playing pool. I had to go to the bathroom, which is something I'll admit I enjoy doing and do do at least several times a day.
As I walked through the door, marked "boys," there was a Thai man with long black rockstar hair standing at the door, holding a washcloth. He lowered his head to me as I passed. I assumed this meant he worked in the bathroom and would present the towel to me when I finished washing my hands, which meant I'd actually have to wash my hands this time. Only slightly disappointed, I was still pretty cheerful because my pool stick was pretty straight that night. I went up to a urinal, unzipped, and gave a little push with my stomach muscles. There was no one else near me, so it came out immediately. About five seconds into the stream, I looked to my left and saw the rockstar attendant walking toward me. Naturally, at first I thought he had to pee himself and was walking to a neighboring urinal, but he was getting unnervingly close, walking slowly, as if he knew I couldn't escape. I didn't want to offend him, as I was obviously a stupid American and didn't want to reinforce the fact, so I didn't move or say anything and then he was right behind me. He draped the warm washcloth over my neck, and I turned, throwing my shoulder up and at him. "What the...?" I said, to indicate that his crazy bullshit required some kind of explanation.
As I walked through the door, marked "boys," there was a Thai man with long black rockstar hair standing at the door, holding a washcloth. He lowered his head to me as I passed. I assumed this meant he worked in the bathroom and would present the towel to me when I finished washing my hands, which meant I'd actually have to wash my hands this time. Only slightly disappointed, I was still pretty cheerful because my pool stick was pretty straight that night. I went up to a urinal, unzipped, and gave a little push with my stomach muscles. There was no one else near me, so it came out immediately. About five seconds into the stream, I looked to my left and saw the rockstar attendant walking toward me. Naturally, at first I thought he had to pee himself and was walking to a neighboring urinal, but he was getting unnervingly close, walking slowly, as if he knew I couldn't escape. I didn't want to offend him, as I was obviously a stupid American and didn't want to reinforce the fact, so I didn't move or say anything and then he was right behind me. He draped the warm washcloth over my neck, and I turned, throwing my shoulder up and at him. "What the...?" I said, to indicate that his crazy bullshit required some kind of explanation.
He put up his hands to me. "It OK," he said, making squeezing motions. "Mashaa. It OK." Embarrassed at my immature Western jumpiness, I turned back and tried to keep the flow flowing, as my bladder was pinching it back a little. Let it happen, I thought to myself, I'm in freaking Thailand now. At least see if he knows what he's doing. I took a deep breath as his hands grabbed my shoulders. Now, I know massages. I know what an expert's hands do, and his had no rookie digits. He found a knot instantly and worked it over like a uncooperative POW.
I almost forgot where I was as he kneaded the muscles from my lower back up to my neck, and my stream started straying leftward as my hands relaxed their grip on the old hose. He grabbed my head and tilted it diagonally just before cracking each side. I dribbled to a finish but didn't move until he knocked on my back three times to magically wake me up again. Then he reached around and flushed for me. What a guy! "Kawp kun," I said, meaning thank you. We walked to the sink, and, after I rinsed, he handed me the now cold washcloth, but I didn't blame him for it. I'm in Thailand now, I repeated silently. I was becoming part of a different world, and this was one less aspect of which I was ignorant. Then he stood in front of the door, with his hands out and his head lowered. "Oh shit," I said. I had no idea how much to pay him, and the smallest I had was a 100 baht bill, which is a little more than three dollars, way too much for a twenty second neck rub and urinal flush. "Uh," I stammered, "mai mii (don't have). Uhh, shit. I'll be right back? Iik maa (again come), OK?"
"Oh," he said with a smile and a bow. This is how it should be, I thought, shaking my shoulders out as I left.
I almost forgot where I was as he kneaded the muscles from my lower back up to my neck, and my stream started straying leftward as my hands relaxed their grip on the old hose. He grabbed my head and tilted it diagonally just before cracking each side. I dribbled to a finish but didn't move until he knocked on my back three times to magically wake me up again. Then he reached around and flushed for me. What a guy! "Kawp kun," I said, meaning thank you. We walked to the sink, and, after I rinsed, he handed me the now cold washcloth, but I didn't blame him for it. I'm in Thailand now, I repeated silently. I was becoming part of a different world, and this was one less aspect of which I was ignorant. Then he stood in front of the door, with his hands out and his head lowered. "Oh shit," I said. I had no idea how much to pay him, and the smallest I had was a 100 baht bill, which is a little more than three dollars, way too much for a twenty second neck rub and urinal flush. "Uh," I stammered, "mai mii (don't have). Uhh, shit. I'll be right back? Iik maa (again come), OK?"
"Oh," he said with a smile and a bow. This is how it should be, I thought, shaking my shoulders out as I left.
